The recent murder of a young woman who had reported her partner for sexual assault is a devastating reminder that intimate partner violence (IPV) happens way too often and could be prevented. This was not an isolated incident or a unique case. After the man charged with her murder turned himself in to police, he told investigators that his girlfriend had said “hurtful things” and “took their cats and dogs,” and that he had only taken out his gun to scare her.  

News coverage of people who have been murdered by a current or former intimate partner often include narratives like this. The abusive partner and killer may make statements that let people think they were provoked by the victim’s actions or words, or attempt to frame the act of violence as an accident. 

Researcher Jennifer J. Freyd coined the acronym DARVO to describe how abusive people will try to avoid accountability when confronted. They will Deny the abusive behavior, Attack the person who is trying to confront them, and Reverse Victim and Offender by trying to frame themselves as the true victim in the scenario. Unfortunately, news stories often repeat and amplify these messages. The victims of the homicide cannot speak for themselves. 

Abusive behaviors without accountability are dangerous. Certain factors can increase the danger and make it complicated for victims of IPV to get help. For example, an abusive partner’s access to a gun makes it five times more likely they will kill their partner. Victims should have access to services like free counseling, assistance with safety plan development, and shelter if they need it. Unfortunately, a victim can do all the “right” things like seek help or report their abuse, and without accountability for the abusive partner, they are often still in danger. 

Abusive partners use and manipulate systems against the survivor and if systems are not prepared, they become complicit in the abuse by blaming the victim, minimizing the abusive behavior, or even justifying it. This is why it is so important for systems to learn about the dynamics of IPV, about abusive behaviors, and tools that can hold abusive partners accountable. Examples of these tools include enforcing laws that restrict an abusive partner’s access to firearms, education about how trauma can impact victims and survivors of IPV, criminal and civil investigations that are evidence-based, and education about our own biases and standards.  

Preventing future tragedies means everyone must play a part to safer relationships and better accountability for abusive people. The resources below can help you start. 

Abusive relationships are common, but they are not acceptable. If you are worried about how you treat your partner, or how someone you know treats their partner, there are programs that can help:   

• Courdea provides small group and individual counseling for people who have acted harmfully in relationships for adults of all genders. Courdea’s program works with individuals to learn how to take accountability and build skills for healthier relationships.  

• Joseph J. Peters Institute (JJPI) Safety and Responsibility program offers treatment to adults of all genders who have engaged in intimate partner violence or domestic violence. The JJPI team works with individuals to take accountability and learn how to replace abusive behaviors with respectful behaviors.    

Improve your capacity to hold abusive people accountable: 

Providers can register for free trainings on working with abusive partners this spring through the Behavioral Health Training & Education Network (BHTEN). Registration opens one month before the training date:  

• April 30, 2026, from 9am-4pm: Building Provider Confidence to Screen for Intimate Partner Violence (in-person) 

• May 7, 2026, from 9:30am-12:45pm: Addressing Abusive Behaviors (webinar)